4 Ways to Build Redemptive Relationships
You want to see people come to Christ but there seems to be a growing chasm between the churched and the unchurched. So how can you build redemptive relationships? 

Written By Gary Reinecke

ICF Master Certified Coach, Resource Designer, Mission Strategist : InFocus
In a post-Christian context, one of the challenges when building redemptive relationships is discerning where to start. In our efforts to relate, serve, and ultimately build trust, sometimes we inadvertently do more damage than good. It can happen in subtle ways through words and actions that are intended to build bridges but, instead, create deep divides that are challenging to navigate.  

Have you said something that was received with a surprised look, hurt, or even anger?  I know I have. Fortunately, when this happens I have people around me that make me aware and those on the receiving end have been kind enough to forgive. There are times, though, when things are said that are offensive and insensitive that can lead to rifts in relationship if not quickly addressed. That’s what I would like to address here.

4 ways to build redemptive relationships

4 ways to build redemptive relationships

1. Listen

Listen to understand so that you learn where a person is coming from. This is easier said than done. Before you form a judgment – stop, remain curious and ask questions. When you feel the urge to share your own thought or relatable story, decide instead to listen and understand.

2. Empathize

If there is one thing that followers of Jesus need to lead the way in, it is the art of empathy. With the ability to put yourself in another person’s position, you can earn the right to ask questions. The only way to do this is by getting into the muck and mire of people’s lives. Watch Brene Brown on Empathy.

3. Nurture Trust

This is vital. Until you have implemented the first two, listening and empathizing, you will find it challenging to build trust. Nurturing trust is not a one-time event, but a repeatable process that needs to be reinforced. 

4. Contextualize your message 

What about when you have something to say? There is a nagging question in the coaching community about feedback and it’s true, sometimes it’s important. We cover that topic in the post Coaches and Timely Feedback. If you are confident it’s time to speak up, remember to make sure what you offer is principle based and appropriately contextualized. 

Paul was astute at relating to people from different worldviews than his own. Think of what he encountered throughout his ministry:  navigating cross-cultural barriers, paradigms that were contrary to his, and an array of theological assumptions. A favorite example is when he encountered the “unknown God” in Acts 17:22-23

So Paul took his stand in the open space at the Areopagus and laid it out for them. “It is plain to see that you Athenians take your religion seriously. When I arrived here the other day, I was fascinated with all the shrines I came across. And then I found one inscribed, to the god nobody knows. I’m here to introduce you to this God so you can worship intelligently, know who you’re dealing with. —The Message

Become a More Effective Witness

Reflect on these questions to assess how you can adapt your approach and build relationships with people outside of the church.

  1. What values do I need to hold true to?
  2. Which issues are non-negotiables for me? Really?
  3. What issues am I willing to let go?
  4. What am I unwilling to risk in this conversation?
  5. How can I create a win-win for this conversation?
  6. What should I look for to determine if people are uncomfortable?
  7. How will I respond when I encounter a sensitive topic?
  8. What possible subjects will this person find potentially offensive?
  9. How can I share what I need to share in a way that it can be heard?
  10. Who else could I include?

Cover Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Discover the 5 Best Ways to Grow as a Coach

You are busy with many other responsibilities. How can you take your coaching to the next level instead of just continuing to dabble in coaching? We can help you discover a clear path to move forward in your journey toward coaching excellence.

Accelerate Your Journey to Become the Best Coach You Can Be

By Robert E. Logan and Gary B. Reinecke

You aren’t willing to settle for just okay—not when your calling is as important as empowering others through coaching. But how can you accurately gauge your own effectiveness? Why not try an informed approach to coach development? Instead of working harder, work smarter.

Coaching through chaos  

Change is happening at lightning speed. It’s hard for leaders to keep up and stay on mission. Coaching is more important than ever.

Too many ways to grow as a coach? Try this instead.

You have all these areas you want to grow in as a coach. But you know if you try to do everything at once, you won’t be able to do any one thing well. It can feel overwhelming. How can you go about making genuine, lasting change in your coaching skills? Here’s a way to slow down enough to make sense of the chaos and start putting the pieces together. 

Coaching Leaders to Build Team Unity

The most vocal of the political divisions within many churches may have died down at this point, but it’s still pretty black and white out there with little room for constructive conversation. One of the best ways for leaders to fight division is by modeling unity.

5 Steps to Increase Ability to Focus

There’s a lot going on in the world. Everything is designed to get your attention and there is very little that you can do anything about. It’s stressful and frustrating and makes it hard to focus. But focus you must and so must your coaching clients.

Help Ministry Leaders Make the Most of their Online Presence

Everything thing is done online these days and it’s not always good. But that is where people go first so its important your ministry leaders get it right. Here are 5 ways to make the most of online ministry.

The Essential Skill of Mental Flexibility

The world just keeps getting more complex. It’s hard to keep up. Mental flexibility is more important than ever. The good news is that mental flexibility is a skill that can be taught and honed. Here’s how…

Coaching leaders in times of rapid change and transition

The last few weeks have demonstrated a key principle of change: Change happens FAST, transition is slow. It takes time to understand what has changed, to develop new rhythms, and to build the new normal. These are not easy transitions. With a few waves of a pen, the world has undoubtedly been thrust into a season of transition. And the changes are far from over.

7 Questions to Boost Creativity

Has your client been doing the same events for years even though they are getting diminishing results? They are in a ministry rut. Here are 7 questions you can ask to boost creativity for more effective ministry. 

When Your Coaching Client is Wounded

Sometimes new—or old—wounds hold clients back. Here is what you can do to help and what to do when you can’t.

Coaching Through Decision Fatigue

The world is changing at breakneck speed. For many ministry leaders, new innovations are seen as roadblocks to their mission and vision. Constantly navigating around them is exhausting. Here is how you help those leaders keep moving forward.

Drilling down for insight

Giving feedback is a learned skill.  Helping someone grow in this area can be a game changer. But you must slow down and remain present and ask reflective questions.

Building Cultural Awareness for Effective Coaching

If you are working to make your coaching client list more diverse, the best place to start is with a refresher in cultural sensitivity

Coaching for Resourcing 

Fighting a scarcity mindset by helping clients see God’s provision.

A Military Strategy for Coaching Ministries?

Big changes are needed to halt the decline of the Church in America. However, even small changes can be met with heavy resistance. Many pastors have tried to implement healthy changes and admit that it feels almost impossible. Here is a strategy that might help.

The Organized Coach

If you are coaching more than a handful of people, you know it can get hard to track all the moving parts. Here’s how you can keep it all organized.

Helping clients define discipleship

Here’s a great exercise I picked up from Dave DeVries. If your client wants to make not just disciples, but disciplemakers– people who can make other disciples– here is an exercise to try… 

Avoiding vision whiplash 

If your coaching client’s ministry is constantly evolving their staff and congregation may be experiencing vision whiplash—and it’s painful. Here’s how to help…

What to do when your client is stuck 

You have a coaching client who just isn’t moving forward on their goals. It happens to all of us. These 7 principles will help you troubleshoot and realign to gain momentum.

Before you give up on your coaching ministry

Something feels off in your coaching ministry. Attendance is down, excitement has waned, things feel stuck and you’re wondering if it’s just not going to work. Before you close up shop read this.

 Revitalizing energy for coaching

If you aren’t seeing results, your energy for coaching will become depleted. Let’s look at how well you are empowering the people you are working with.

Choosing the right coach

Many—if not most—of the people who have tried coaching and say it doesn’t work have all made the same mistake: they chose the wrong coach.

An Exercise to Define Your Ideal Client

Whether you are just starting your coaching practice or you have been at it for a long time – knowing your ideal client is so very important.

How to tell if you are a great coach

Anyone can say they’re a great coach. In fact, read through coach bios online and it sounds like they all are great. But you know that’s not always the case. How can you know where you really stand?

What sets you apart from other coaches? 

What makes you unique as a coach? Hint: It’s not your area of expertise.

Principles for a thriving staff

Senior Pastors carry the responsibility to guide their church toward healthy growth. It’s a big red flag if their staff is failing to thrive. 

How is your follow-up question game?

You know that good coaching requires good questions—and you may already be good at asking those. But what about follow-up questions? Even those with strong coaching skills can sometimes fall short when it comes to a skill commonly called piggy-backing. 

How to Make Change Stick

As a coach, you know change is hard. That’s why people need the help of a coach when making real change stick.

Working with Clients to Declutter Time

Spring is here… and so is spring cleaning! But have you ever thought of spring cleaning applied not just to your house and garage but to your time? Your calendar? Your list of responsibilities?