June 29, 2022

Faith Conversations That Get Results
It’s amazing what can emerge when you approach others with curiosity and a desire to learn about them. Giving careful attention to the most casual conversations can reveal opportunities to help others take the next best step in their faith journey. 

Written By Gary Reinecke

ICF Master Certified Coach, Resource Designer, Mission Strategist : InFocus

Have you ever applied your coaching skills when engaging with people who are far from God? Doing so can transform the faith conversations into power relationships.

Casual Faith Conversations

A few years ago, we had our neighbors over for dinner. They were a young couple who were in the very beginning stages of starting their family. They had a lot of tattoos on their arms, and our conversation naturally evolved to the meaning and purpose behind the symbols they had chosen. Near the end of the evening, I noticed that on the wife’s hand was a pyramid with an eye in the middle. I imagined there was a good story behind that one so I asked her what it means (I was genuinely curious). Without going into detail, the story involved a spiritual experience that had changed her life. This opened further conversations about their belief system and worldview.

Where Faith Conversations Often Go Wrong

It would have been easy for me to react or attempt to deconstruct the narrative our new friends had created around the meaning and symbolism of her tattoo. The fact remains, their story is their story. It is poor coaching to hijack someone’s story and critique it–or worse, discount it. Later, we learned that they had an interest in learning about the biblical narrative of creation through Jordan Peterson (who has recently caught the imagination of many). They were on a quest to find meaning and significance in their life, and we were simply observers along for the ride.

Intro to Faith Coaching

coaching for faith conversations

As a coach, how do you remain inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth?

Think of these as “coaching postures” (an approach or attitude) when you engage in faith conversations.  Each one is important and together they have a synergistic relationship that is impactful, noticeable and compelling.

This is how I define those ideas:

  • Inquisitive: curious to learn about the other person 
  • Receptive to change: willing to adjust to the needs of the person 
  • Committed to growth: help the person take a step on their discipleship journey

10 Ways to Remain Helpful to Faith Seekers

It’s important to be aware of how we either help or deter a person as they explore matters of faith. The following are 10 ways to help you stay in that space:

  1. Be intentional and approach each conversation with an open mind
  2. Remain judgement free
  3. Use your words wisely 
  4. Be quick to listen and slow to anger
  5. A negative reaction will quickly and firmly close the door, respond thoughtfully 
  6. Look for ways to honor them and their life experience
  7. Be patient
  8. Listen more than you talk—even when you disagree
  9. Summarizing what you hear people say
  10. Be energetic

Are You Ready to Apply Coaching in Conversations with Non-believers?

A coachable coach is inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth.  Conversely, an uncoachable coach is unwilling to learn, resistant to change, and comfortable with the status quo.

  1. Where do you land?  
  2. Are you a coachable coach?  
  3. Do you take the necessary steps to slow down, engage, and truly listen to be inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth?

30-day Challenge

Here is a very practical challenge to help you grow in your ability to engage in faith conversations.  Practice before you “go live”.  Ask your spouse, a colleague or friend to be willing to allow you to practice with them.  Explain that you would like to try-out the three “coaching postures” with them.  First, have them to reflect on a real situation they are navigating in their life.  Second, set aside 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time for them to share while you practice the three postures.  Third, request their feedback.

Now put the three postures of a coach  into practice. In your next conversation with a person far from God, see if you can remain inquisitive, receptive to change, and committed to growth. Then, reflect on the difference this makes with the people you engage with in comparison to how you have engaged people in the past.

Photo by Helena Lopes
Cover Photo by Jael Rodriguez on Unsplash

That was a great coaching moment!

Most coaching assumes a formalized coaching relationship with a beginning, a middle, and an end, with clear goals to be accomplished along the way. However, you can also use your coaching skills in less formal ways– just as a way of relating and interacting. Think of it as a “coaching moment” instead of a “coaching relationship.”

Steps to Help You Make Decisions with God

You’ve got a big decision to make. When you make a decision based on the human intellect alone you might come away with a “good decision”; in contrast, when you consider God’s perspective on a matter you engage the spiritual dimension. This will lead you  down the path of prayerful decision making.

Can you find coaching in the Bible?

If you are trying to help others understand the biblical basis for coaching, here are two key scripture passages to help.

9 Ways Coaching Aligns with Biblical Principles

You may be wondering if coaching is biblical. The Bible never commands us to coach. In fact, the word coach is never used. So why coach? Should we even coach? Here are 9 ways coaching aligns with biblical principles.

The #1 Secret to Raising Self-Led Adults

You want your kids to become self-led adults. People who make good decisions, live into their gifts and talents, and contribute to their communities. The teen years are when the rubber hits the road. 

Purpose-filled Conversations with Your Teens

Conversations with your teens can feel one-sided. There are a lot of grunts and minute head nods, or if you’re lucky–one word answers. But this is a time in their development where they make important decisions that have lasting consequences. So, how do you move past casual chats to more meaningful and purpose-filled conversations with your teens? 

Coaching your kids

Translating your coaching skills to support your parenting will help you raise kids who have a clear understanding of who they are and have a solid framework for making good decisions. 

5 signs that you could be a better coach

You’ve been coaching for a while now. You may have even completed coach certification; but you feel there is something more… Are you coaching at your optimal level or could you be a better coach? How do you really know how well you’re doing? 

5 Steps to Clarify Your Values

Having trouble moving forward in your ministry goals? What about those you serve? If you are struggling to fill seats and find volunteers the issue may not be WHAT you are doing but a disconnect from the WHY.

Learning to trust your coach and your team

Are you at the top of your game? Even if you are, are you ready for what’s next? So many gifted and purposed pastors burn out because they are playing a solo game. Learning how to work with your team raises your effectiveness and reach in ministry.