The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Focus on what you CAN do
In John 16:33, Jesus is clear that there will be trouble in your lifetime. He also gives perspective, “… Take heart, for I have overcome the world.” The best you can do is reign in frustration and worry, trust the one who has overcome, and in the here and now— one moment at a time.
When you are feeling burdened or overwhelmed, try and focus on what is right here, right now, right in front of you. Stop for a moment and think: What CAN you do? Right now, right where you are, even in small ways, how can you reflect Jesus to others?
You are a coach and are called to serve others as a coach. So what can you do? You learn how to focus well—an increasingly challenging skill—and you can also teach those you coach the essential still of focusing well. Here are some basics of focusing.
5 Steps to Increase Your Ability to Focus
1. Calendar intentional time and direction
Start by choosing and setting aside a time. You’re not likely to be successful if you just decide to start focusing all the time. For you, let’s say you want to focus better during your coaching sessions. If you’re teaching a leader how to focus, maybe they want to focus better when they are listening to their staff or those they oversee. Pick one area to start with.
2. Drop the agenda
Be open to the Holy Spirit: To be truly focused we need to be centered in the Holy Spirit, not coming in with an agenda, but really open and seeking to listen to God’s voice. This is the case both when we are alone and when we are listening to others and helping them hear God’s voice. No preconceived agenda, but openness to what God may want to do. Catch and discard stray thoughts as you intentionally tune in to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit.
3. Create a practice space
Providing your full attention takes practice. Set aside time and minimize distraction to listen with our full, focused attention. Focused attention is hard work and requires practice and intentionality. It is helped by practices such as eye contact (if in person), verbal acknowledgements such as uh-huh (if by phone), and selecting a seating position where visual stimuli will not cause distractions. Distractions, both internal and external, need to be avoided.
4. Reflect regularly
Summarize what you are hearing as you seek to understand: When you have focused on what someone else has been saying, you should then try repeating back to the person what you hear them saying. That way you can confirm that you are hearing them accurately. As much as possible, try to summarize what you are hearing objectively, not making judgments or evaluations. Invite the other person to clarify or say more if needed, so that you have unpacked their thinking fully before you contribute anything on your side. As you listen, seek understanding. I call this “catch before you pitch.” It means making sure you hear them and understand them fully before contributing any insights you may have, if necessary. But the vast majority of the time, if you have listened well, you will not need to contribute any of your own insights at all.
5. Affirm insights
Pay attention to insights and discoveries as you listen and repeat them back to the person: “I hear you saying X. I wonder how you can live that out.” Sometimes the person talking will not notice their own important insights unless someone else underscores, reinforces, or otherwise highlights what they are hearing. The goal of listening well is understanding and insight, so that what we focus on we can continue to lean on:
We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. Hebrews 2:1
Set yourself up for success: Simple tips for getting started
If this sounds hard that’s because It is. Set yourself up for successful focus by preparing ahead of time. Here are some tips to set yourself up for success.
- During times of the day when you most want to focus, turn off your phone. Don’t just silence it—turn it off until you are finished. When everything feels like an emergency, it detracts from our focus.
- When everything feels like an emergency, it detracts from our focus. The truth is that very few things are an emergency. If you are still worried, you can use the “do not disturb” feature on your phone so no one except selected numbers can ring through to you.
- Turn off the newsfeed on your phone—or at least limit it. Breaking alerts multiple times a day are hard on our nervous system.
- Turn off background TVs unless you are actively watching them and have chosen to focus on a particular program.
- If you’re meeting face to face, sit where you don’t have visual distractions (e.g. facing a window with people walking past).
- Make sure you’re meeting in a quiet place. Arrive a few minutes early to settle your mind so you can get focused and prepare.
The Bigger Picture on What is Pulling Our Focus
Although this book is aimed at the impact of technology on childhood and is not coming from a specifically faith-based perspective, The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt* has clear implications for the younger leaders you may be working with who have been raised in an age of information overload.
As you are working with clients you may find that a disconnect from their calling or mission is making it difficult to focus. The Focused Ministry Coaching Guide and Storyboard can help you identify where the disconnect is by affirming calling, helping them see more clearly what they are called and equipped to DO.
Cover Photo by Andrea Piacquadio
* Amazon affiliate link